bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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