you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
