let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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