I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
