And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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