I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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