it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
