If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
