so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
