WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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