god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
