Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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