if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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