how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
