I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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