Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
