gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
