Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
