You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish they made helmets for livers.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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