My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
