Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
