Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
