i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
