I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
