Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
