So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
