That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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