so that wasnt chicken after all
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
