Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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