haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
