i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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