Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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