i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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