he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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