Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
