is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
