I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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