That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
