She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
