i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
where am i from again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
