We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
