im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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