he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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