can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
