my sisters under your porch take her home
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Two words: nipple clamps
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