i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
