his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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