did you get engaged???
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
