peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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