Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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