so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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