ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
