nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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