franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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