...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
