I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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