its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
