the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
