In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
