I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
