Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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